181974

Joke of the Day

"If your girl says ""Hey guess what!"" you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next."

"arm's length what do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? a speech impediment"

"What's the difference between weed and pussy? If you can smell weed across the room, that means its good."

"QUICK! HOW MANY BABY CARROTS CAN A GUY SHOVE UP HIS BUTT BEFORE HE... 12."

"Just went to the mens room & came out to an empty office. Either the building is on fire or there is cake in the break room. Win/win"

"What did the fertilizer say to the grass? I'm the shit."

"""I probably shouldn't have said that out loud"" -a biography"

"My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from local zoo."

"They say, ""If you let something go and it comes back, it's yours"" Then does that mean I own all boomerangs?"

"Where does the vampire sail? In the bloodstream."