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Joke of the Day

"My greatest fear is sitting in front of thousands of people while my Google search history is read aloud."

"Kid, are you a nuclear reactor? Because you're having a meltdown."

"I went to a zoo with only one animal in it. It was a shih tzu."

"My ex-girlfriend... Bent my car's hood,but it was my fault a little bit too I was just a little bit over the legal speed."

"I tried to think of a good music joke But that sort of thing really isn't my forte."

"Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Why didn't you text me? I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram."

"What's the best thing about fucking a baby? You get both anal and deep throat at the same time."

"What kind of bees make milk? BOOBIES!!!"

"911: What's your emergency? Me: I need several Ambuli stat! 911: Ambuli? Me: Yea plural for Ambulance 911: No its not Me: It should be"

"Thought of this one as I was going to the basement. What does the commander say to the firing squad when they go camping? Ready, aim, make the FIRE!"