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Joke of the Day

"Thought of this one as I was going to the basement. What does the commander say to the firing squad when they go camping? Ready, aim, make the FIRE!"

"What's the difference between weed and pussy? If you can smell weed across the room, that means its good."

"What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!"

"[Enters Building] ""Excuse..."" *Voice fades* ""... anyone..."" ""... how to..."" ""... out this..."" ""... ving door?"""

"John Cusack will always have ""I didn't do my homework but I love you"" face."

"""If you break up with me, I will beach myself."" -dramatic whale"

"What does a spanish programmer program in? Si++"

"What do you call a woman with a very round head? Sophia. (sphere) it works best spoken"

"wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree"

"I'm not sure if I have constipation or diarrhoea. I'll find out by a process of elimination."