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Joke of the Day

"A set of jump leads walk into a bar... The barman looks at them, and says, ""Alright, I'll serve you, just don't start anything."""

"What's brown and sticky? My Beyonce calendar."

"After watching the Olympics, a little boy says to his mom, ""When I grow up, I want to be like Ryan Lochte!"" She says, ""Honey, you can't have it both ways."""

"A Moment of Silence Let's all spare a few moments of silence for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat."

"My 8yo's looking for a summer job. He's a pretty decent bartender if anyone's hiring."

"What's the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman? Snowballs!"

"What did Anakin say when the princess asked for his credit card? Naboo"

"On a pirate's birthday, I asked him how old he was His response: ""Aye matey"""

"You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler) A democratic senator from Kentucky."

"What's the best part about going in without a condom? The abortion."