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Joke of the Day

"If girls didn't exist... ... then life would be a real pain in the ass."

"I can't stand when guys complain about their girlfriends giving shitty hand jobs I see where they're coming from, but something about it just rubs me the wrong way"

"The other day I sold someone a stale fish, next day he came to my store and said ""you selfish"" and left... now I am not sure if I should have replied ""yes"" or ""sorry""."

"whenever a song says put your hands in the air i do it on the spot. i have fun and also an alarming vehicle collision record"

"Lesbian Vampires What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month! Credit : /u/andrej88"

"If you mix Taco Bell hot sauce into your ramen, it tastes exactly like poverty."

"Just heard this oldie, but goodie from a friend Two does are walking out of a bar after a long night of drinking, and one turns to the other and says, ""I can't believe I just blew 30 bucks."""

"Don't you hate double standards? If a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she is called a slut, but when a guy does it he is called a homosexual."

"I posted something about Turkey in /r/news [deleted]"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my foot up your ass."