140246

Joke of the Day

"Ever hear about the Latino doctor that collects inkwells? Nobody expects the Spanish ink physician."

"One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them"

"Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed space."

"*At Railway station Me : Can I get a return ticket please? Station attendant : Where to? Me : Here."

"I will be answering all questions with both middle fingers this morning."

"""Well, congrats. You're a homeowner now. Any questions?"" ""Yeah. Sam put those glasses on eBay, why didn't the Decepticons just bid on em?"""

"Netflix, stop making me wait 15 seconds between episodes. I can't click because I'm eating cereal and a sandwich."

"I want my children to be independent headstrong people. Just not while I'm raising them."

"I don't understand the big hubbub about missing divers. They're probably just underwater."

"I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it."