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Joke of the Day

"Boss: ""You're an hour late!"" Guy who is about to invent daylight savings time: ""Haven't you heard?"""

"NSFW: What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick up your ass."

"What smells like pork? Kermits finger"

"Stranger man at the beach asked me, ""Y'all got a boat?"" I said we have three, but they're old Fisher-Price models. It took him a moment."

"Toilet paper and my iPhone have a lot in common... both are essential when I take a s$it."

"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says ""can you make me one with everything?"" After he received the pizza, he waited. ""Where's my change?"" ""Ah, change comes from within."""

"Klondike bars, Hitler did it for one"

"Should I be worried? My son just filed the serial number off his squirt gun."

"A bagpipe player, a banjo player and an accordion player all walk into a bar... everybody leaves."

"The 2016 US Presidential Election That's it. That's the entire fucking joke. Edit: Woke up to hundreds of messages and FP status. Damn. Thanks, folks! And thanks for the gold!"