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Joke of the Day

"Who do Canadians call when their car breaks down? Triple, eh?"

"Guys, enough jokes about the Patriots... they are getting a little flat."

"*mugger walks up* GIMME EVERYTHING YOU GOT! *mugger slowly walks away with $2.16 and a lifetime of anxiety & existential misunderstanding*"

"My car starts to hydroplane. I let go & whisper, ""Do it. Become the plane you've always dreamed of. I love you."" *Soft kiss*"

"If Edward Snowden worked at a grocery market.. *Loudspeaker* Paging Mr. Edward Snowden, Mr. Ed Snowden Constitutional breech on isle 1 & 4 Will Mr. Snowden please inform the public accordingly"

"Why didn't George RR Martin (GOT author) use Twitter? Because he killed all the 140 characters."

"Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any."

"The awkward moment you're watching porn and your girlfriend walks in. I wish she'd told me she worked in the industry."

"I always mean what I say. Sometimes, I didn't mean to say it out loud."

"Did you hear about the chameleon who couldnt change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction!"