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Joke of the Day

"""Our new model works 40 percent of the time. Best one, yet. Congratulations, everyone."" - CEO of automatic paper towel dispenser company"

"Its too expensive to put up Christmas lights these days. I'm just going to hire a bunch of Mexicans to sit on my roof with flashlights."

"A skinny girl and an overweight girl are standing in line on Friday morning. As the Walmart manager unlocks the door, skinny girl says, ""remember, black Friday lives matter."""

"Little Shop of Horrors should have taken place in Russia. Because in Soviet Russia plant eats you!"

"*Pets a blob in the dark to see if its my cat* *I'm still not sure*"

"Why are lions more religious than other animals? They prey regularly."

"I tried to make this post all about why Finland DOES actually exist... ...but I couldn't Finnish."

"What does snoop doggy dog use to do his laundry? Answer in comments."

"What is the difference between a philanthropist and Nicki Minaj? A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**! :-P"

"I searched for 'wardrobe malfunction' on pornhub and it showed me a video about Narnia"