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Joke of the Day

"[sees cute girl jog by] ""Imma run up and ask her out"" [one block later still not caught up] ""Ok, wow, we probably weren't soul mates anyway"""

"Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea ? Because they climb into tins close the lid and leave teh key outside !"

"Moses walks into a bar And says ""I'll just halve water"""

"Do you wanna play lion tamer? she asks: ""What is that?"" you say: It's when you get on all fours and I put my head in your mouth."

"What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated Milk."

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. The librarian says, ""It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."""

"I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients."

"How did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms"

"I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all of the signs were there."

"If you don't swear when you're driving, you aren't paying enough attention to the road."