180939

Joke of the Day

"This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone."

"What do you call a boat made of cat shit? a caturdamaran"

"Old classic light bulb. How many people on a beach does it take to screw in a light bulb? depends on how many survivors there are. too soon."

"Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls... One of them says, ""man, I wish I could do that!"" The other says, ""well, maybe you should pet him first."""

"How did Darth Vader know what Leah got Luke for Christmas? He felt his presents."

"My boss said to me. ""You're the worst train driver. How many have you derailed this year?"" I said "" im not sure, its hard to keep track"""

"Donald Trump is said to have lack of foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent time meeting with foreign leaders around the world. Ms. Sweden, Ms. Argentina..."

"I went to the library the other day.. but I couldn't get in, it was fully booked."

".@LAPD My wife made hazelnut ""coffee"" with my coffee maker. Send all available units."

"What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI? My Grandma can unlock an iphone."