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Joke of the Day

"You hear about the kids book that explains the Big Bang and Big Crunch to children? ""One Shift, Two Shift, Red Shift, Blue Shift."" By Doppler Seuss."

"I hear something. Do you hear that? HERE COMES THAT BOI OH SHIT WADDUP!"

"My friend asked if I could help him write a bedtime story for his kids. I thought ""what a novel idea""."

"I never knew what nationality Santa was until now. I just found out that he is actually North Polish."

"If you're gay in the Muslim world you are fucked.."

"I installed some new Humbuckers on my guitar. Now the ladies call me a pickup artist."

"[furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk] ""Don't you wish there was an easier way?"" [cut to carton of butter milk]"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab? One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean."

"It's cute how ""America's Got Talent"" focuses on singing & dancing instead of our real talents: overeating & complaining."

"Six hour flight home I'm stuck in the middle seat and the lady behind me won't stop saying ""awesomesauce"" pray for me please"