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Joke of the Day

"Today I went down on my girlfriend Period."

"What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexic's Association"

"The Wolf of Wall Street broke the record for saying the f-word 506 times The previous record was held by my dad putting together a table from IKEA."

"What's the name of that German guy that keeps hiding my stuff around the house? Alzheimer, Grandma."

"My mom used to make sure we were wearing our seatbelts in the back seat by slamming on the brakes. She was a kind soul."

"I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I'm going to be too busy sitting on mine"

"How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask him/her to pronounce unionized Edit: Gets 3000+ upvotes, Karma remains at 20..."

"The Human Body Is 90% Water, So Basically We're Just Cucumbers With Anxiety"" - Science Person"

"I like my woman like I like my coffe With no pubic hair."

"What did the diabetic's girlfriend call him as pet name? Sweet pee."