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Joke of the Day

"On the street or subway you can only imagine what that idiot is thinking. On Twitter, you get to see what that idiot is thinking."

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"My favorite toilet in my house is broken Guess I'll have to make doo with my other one"
"Friendship Application, Question One: If you see that my selfie has 0 likes, will you like it faster than humanly possible?"
"Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because someone threw a fridge at her...."
"I can't stand sitting down"
"I love Chinese food as much as the next guy, but you'll never convince me a chicken fried this rice."
"I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying ""I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma"" because Emma was lying beside me in bed"
"Why doesn't Jesus enjoy manicures or pedicures? Because they always try to mess with his nails."
"Two cannibals were eating a clown.... One turns to the other and asks, ""Hey, does this taste funny to you?"""
"I give up drinking for good. ... ... ... Now, I drink for evil."
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