95031

Joke of the Day

"For ""fuck sake"" or ""for fuck's sake?"" I need this email to sound professional."

"Construction sites are dangerous places. I nearly blacked out holding in my stomach as I walked past one."

"Helped my son flush his betta fish today. He asked ""Dad, does God love bettas?"" & I said ""Dunno, son, ask him after we flush you."""

"What do you call a weak cup of tea? Subtlety."

"Why a centipede cannot fly coach? Not enough leg room!"

"Waitress: ""Enjoy your meal"" Patron: ""you too"" Patron: 'why did I say that?' Waitress: [being force-fed the 6th plate of food of her shift]"

"Trump vs. Kanye 2020 Yeah. Fuck it, why not."

"I love everybody. Even you, insecure person reading this hoping someone loves you ... even you."

"The flight attendant keeps saying ""Please stop asking for peanuts. Busses don't have flight attendants."""

"They all laughed when I told them I'm going to be a comedian... well...they are not laughing anymore!"