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Joke of the Day

"How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce ""unionized""."

"What did the mexican student say when he was asked to turn in his essay? I ain't no snitch."

"Dad i know I'm adopted Hi adopted, I'm not dad"

"On talk shows, whenever the celebrity guest takes a casual sip from their branded mug, I like to imagine it's full of blood"

"There's a huge party at the orphanage tonight Their parents are gone."

"If you had your social security number in exact dollars how much money would you have? I'd have 314,159,265"

"How do New Zealander's find sheep in long grass? Delightful"

"Rose: I'm so cold. Jack: Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and- fine, you can have my damn hoodie"

"Almonds on the tree; Amonds off the tree cause to get them off the tree you hafta shake the ""L"" out of them!"

"When you put the punchline before the rest of the joke. How do you know when you're a bad comedian?"