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Joke of the Day

"How did the blonde burn her ear? The telephone rang while she was ironing."

"To do list: 1) Change Facebook name to 'No One' 2) 'Like' peoples statuses."

"What do you call white on the top and black at the bottom? Society."

"Lets go to the symphony Beethoven: You guys want some symphonies tonight!? Crowd: **cheers loudly** Beethoven: I can't hear you!"

"Do cannibals try to eat gymnasts... for a more balanced diet?"

"Have you tried rocky mountain oysters? They're offal."

"A guy walks into a pet store wanting to buy a talking bird. He sees a parrot and says to the bird, ""Hey, can you speak, stupid?"" The bird replies, ""Yes, can you fly, Dummy?"""

"Not to 1up you but *drops green mushroom on your head*"

"DOG 911: what's the emergency? DOG: a boy threw a ball but I can't find it DOG 911: did u check his hand? DOG: of course I checked hiDAMMIT"

"Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend"