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Joke of the Day

"A goldfish is a great pet if you're wanting to be forced to explain death to your toddler sometime within the next 48 hours."

"""Fruit OR Vegetable?"" *pic of apple* fruit. *pic of carrot* vegetable *pic of Ryan Seacrest on life support* oh geez idk"

"I could argue that someone passing out in the punchline enhances the joke, but that would be faint praise indeed."

"I have this theory that McDonald's hamburgers are actually made out of their employees. That's why they're always hiring."

"I almost got into an accident with someone who was texting and driving... luckily I braked just in time or else I would've spilt my beer."

"What did the Elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe out of that little thing?"

"Don't you hate it when your girlfriend yells out a different name during sex Like bitch, my name isn't ""someone help"""

"Taint Why is the taint called your taint? because it taint your nuts and it taint your ass."

"How to get a girl to like you: 1. Become a lion tamer 2. Release a lion on her 3. Tame it right before it kills her 4. Take her to Chili's?"

"Watching The Bible. Didn't realize everyone spoke w/ a British accent back then. Neat."