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Joke of the Day

"Where's Jesus when you need him. There's only 2 fish sticks left and I've got company coming."

"pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.."

"Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it."

"me: *buys condoms, tampons, lice shampoo, adult diapers, yeast infection cream, an enema and a pregnancy test* cashier: would u like a bag"

"What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he was white? Alive..."

"I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she would CONSTANTLY accuse me of cheating. I just can't be with anyone who sounds so much like my wife."

"When do cows go to sleep? When it's pasture bedtime"

"I'm staying at a hotel w/ a 'hotel dog' that guests can walk & pet. Which is 1. adorable and 2. proof that the gov't can access my dreams."

"Remember, life isn't about accumulating stuff. It's about making people insanely jealous of your stuff."

"Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker? They say he had locomotives."