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Joke of the Day

"When Siri has her period she uses an iPad. I hate myself."

"Ants can lift 20 times their bodyweight which is really helpful if you ever need help moving a single blade of grass."

"Why couldn't the stoner simplify his binomials in front of the class? Because a watched pothead never FOILS."

"Why do maxi-pads hate tampons so much? Because tampons are stuck up cunts"

"The only time honesty isn't the best policy is when speaking to an Apple employee at the Genius Bar."

"I'm not hungry but I'm going to eat these Oreos because they're there. Americans."

"Next time someone knocks on your bathroom stall say ""Sorry, I'm with a client."""

"Drake started from the bottom. Of Darwin's evolution chart."

"People think being a programmer is super exciting But sometimes it's just null and void."

"""They say there's no such thing as a free lunch. That ends today!"" -- me as I rally lunches everywhere to overthrow their oppressors"