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Joke of the Day

"Now I know my dad laughed so much the first time I said ""fajita"" I pronounced it like ""[FUHJITUH]"" and you can guess what it sounds like."

"I can eat an untied shoe lace and poop it out tied I shit you knot!"

"Sign at restaurant reads: Eat here diet home"

"What's the difference between firewood and a jew? The firewood ain't been turned into ash yet."

"It's pretty cool how Atheist prayers are just thoughts about actually doing something useful."

"9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole ""i don't give a shit anymore"" pizzas"

"What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather."

"A man walks into the zoo. The only animal there is a dog. It's a shitzu."

"Did you hear about the emo windows? They were double-pained :,("

"I start, but can rarely complete my paintings and sculptures, for I am a master of the partial arts."