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Joke of the Day

"Wanted to share a Coke with my friend Amal But the closest name I could find was Juan. But I guess if you have seen Juan then you have seen Amal."

"Oil is made from dinosaurs. Plastic is made from oil. Plastic dinosaurs are made from real dinosaurs."

"Shout out to accordion files, conveniently storin' documents and expandin' as more are added and whatnot."

"A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar... He orders a drink"

"What band performed at the Jefferson memorial? Nickelback"

"Can all 16gb iPhone users send a screenshot of their storage page? No sorry I don't have enough storage to take a screenshot."

"Anyone have any special planes for 9/11? *Plans."

"It's crazy how my ex was so upset about losing me that he had to build a life with a new woman."

"I asked my Nan what she wanted for Christmas. ""Something from the Body Shop please,"" she replied..... Hope she's got enough room in the flat for the front wing off a Mondeo."

"[wearing World's Best Dad shirt] Wife: whys there blood on your shirt? Me: its not my blood Guy bleeding out in the yard: its not your shirt"