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Joke of the Day

"[wearing World's Best Dad shirt] Wife: whys there blood on your shirt? Me: its not my blood Guy bleeding out in the yard: its not your shirt"

"What's the one thing that's worse than putting the punchline in the title?"

"Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff."

"The German radiologist always saw the wurst in people."

"How come ""you're a peach"" is a complement but ""you're bananas"" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?"

"The police are looking for a thief with one eye Why don't they use two?"

"Its going down, basement. Friday the 13th guess whos playing Jason? Tuck yourself in you better hold on to your teddy. Its Nightmare on Elm street and guess whos playing Freddy?"

"I don't get why I'm supposed to like someone who's different in the streets and in the sheets sounds duplicitous just be a freak everywhere."

"Murphy's law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage."

"How are wives like cholesterol? If you ignore them for too long they'll probably end up killing you"