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Joke of the Day

"Oil is made from dinosaurs. Plastic is made from oil. Plastic dinosaurs are made from real dinosaurs."

"If a dog tells you you're dreaming... believe him."

"Dad did you manage to fix my toy? No it's not broken the battery's flat. Well what shape should it be?"

"Today was so terrible, I thought Steven Seagal was in it."

"Why should we make Gabe Newell president? There won't be any World War 3. \#gaben2k16"

"My teen was complaining he had no clean clothes so I asked him what he thought he should do: ""Uh, go buy new clothes?"" Have kids. It's fun."

"As told to me by my 5y/o nephew at the dinner table... Why did the elephant cross the road? &nbsp; Because he farted!"

"""Ok just so I'm clear on this - this dog can bark for 11 hrs straight & only poops in other people's yards? I'll take it!"" - my neighbor"

"what sign on your phone does a dog hate the most The pound sign."

"WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where? WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft"