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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cookie without legs? A cookie"

"Mike Pence has a strong resume, including Governor of Indiana and Shawshank Prison Guard. #VPDebate"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cain ! Cain who ? Cain you tell !"

"We all know you love your boyfriend, but we'd all appreciate it if you'd SHUT THE FUCK UP"

"I lost a finger in an accident today. It sucks but on the other hand... I still have all five."

"The Macarena began playing through the dental office speakers as I lied helpless with the hygienist's hands in my mouth today. #survivor"

"What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink? A double Manhattan on the rocks."

"It's really cute how my 16 slams her bedroom door, in the house that I pay for, every time she gets pissed off. So...I took away the door"

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year."

"Impressing the McDonald's drive thru people with my music is always a top priority"