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Joke of the Day

"What is another name for Santa's elves? Subordinate Clauses! Merry Christmas everyone."

"For my niece's 7th birthday, I'm filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I'm gonna yell ""Oh God! She was pregnant!"""

"Turtle to turtle: ""Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"""

"A dad walks in on his son watching porn. The son says, ""Well, at least you know I'm straight, dad."" The dad says, ""Not after tonight, son."""

"Why do walruses just love a Tupperware party? They're always on the lookout for a tight seal."

"I asked my wife what she wanted for christmas she told me ""nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace"" so I bought her nothing"

"13yo Jesus: You're not my real dad! I HATE YOU! Joseph: One of these days boy, I'll [distant thunder] I'll do nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"The difference between a cucumber and pickles... Is jarring"

"Lord of the Rings: A Shortened Version -Give me the ring. -No."

"I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be ""saved"" or you'll ""burn""... Stupid Firemen. [x-post /r/Christianity]"