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Joke of the Day

"Capital letters are important. It can be the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"You should never bully fat people.... They have enough on their plates"

"What is Dracula's favorite fruit? A nectarine."

"Ahmed Mohamed must have made a bomb ass clock"

"How many Brexiters does it take to change a lightbulb? Woah woah woah... I never said there was a lightbulb!"

"What does pizza and vagina have in common? They both good hot or cold"

"If Pluto isn't a planet because it's too small... then do you really have a penis?"

"I bought a shower curtain on Amazon once and now every time I log in Amazon acts like I'm the guy who fucking loves buying shower curtains."

"A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, ""Can I park here?"" ... ... ""No"" says the cop. ""What about all these other cars?"" ""They didn't ask!"""

"Modern art is easy to understand. If you take a dump on someone's door mat, ring the bell and run away - it's an installation. If you ring the bell and then take a dump - it's a performance."