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Joke of the Day

"Rental fleet car is like a prostitute, own car is like a wife Never marry a prostitute."

"Sorry I said, ""Whoa, hope he's good at math."" when you showed me your kid's finger painting."

"If you ever have to go through job applications, throw half of them away randomly You don't want to hire anyone unlucky"

"Why are boy scouts like human sacrifices in a cannibalistic society? Their motto is ""be prepared"""

"In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can."

"Why didn't the lesbian go to the bread festival? She already gets two times the normal amount of yeast."

"Autocorrect wants to capitalize bacon, out of respect."

"I just saw a picture of a duck posing and doing a dumbwhitegirlface."

"My wife pulled this one on me the other day My wife: you know Mona Lisa Me: yeah? My Wife: well before she met me she was just Lisa"

"What's the sound of a one-handed corpse clapping? Dead silence. What's the sound of a one-handed zombie clapping? Undead silence. Thanks to my gaming group for those."