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Joke of the Day

"My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do... They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!"

"A blind guy walks into a bar.... and a table...and a stool...and a door"

"What do the Welsh call safe sex? Spray painting the sheep that bite."

"What do you call two Chinese government massacres? Tienanmen squared"

"I met a guy the other day with a glass eye. He didn't tell me, it just came out in the conversation"

"Why don't they have gambling in Africa? There are too many cheetahs."

"What do you call a gassy Russian? Vladimir Pootin'"

"I was bit by a rattlesnake last summer. After three days of excruciating pain the snake died"

"I'm pretty sure Robin Hood was black and he was just robbin the hood."

"Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch."