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Joke of the Day

"Why is it illegal for a man living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina? Because he's alive."

"Why do we.... Cook bacons and bake cookies?"

"My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are."

"What's another name for the child sex offender registry? The pedo file."

"Man arrested on charges of being nice, quiet guy. ""I'm shocked, he always seemed like such a murderous asshole,"" said a neighbor."

"An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true."

"What is Kanye West's favorite breakfast food? Omelette you finish."

"A redneck walks into a bar with a huge pile of shit in his hands... and says,""Hey, look what I almost stepped in."""

"I was at a hat shop and the sign read, ""ALL CAPS MUST GO!"" ...and I thought what hypocrites!"

"The ""PB&HJ;"" looked better on the menu. They really do have everything at the Cheesecake Factory."