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Joke of the Day

"Man arrested on charges of being nice, quiet guy. ""I'm shocked, he always seemed like such a murderous asshole,"" said a neighbor."

"Did you hear about the stallion and the mare? They had a stable relationship."

"""'Earth' without 'the' is just 'ar'."" - Pirates If you haven't seen ""Earth without art is just eh"" then you prolly didn't like this tweet."

"People say to enjoy the messes your kids leave, because you'll miss them when they're grown and gone. I like to call those people liars."

"How do you celebrate an Ethiopian child's first birthday? By laying flowers on their grave."

"I went to a porn star's funeral yesterday... ...I woke up with mourning wood"

"How many bad joke tellers does it take to screw up a - wait, shit."

"Is the EU working out? It lost a few pounds this summer."

"Judge: ""Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?"" Defendant: ""Yes it's true."" Judge: ""Then why don't you just pay him back?"" Defendant: ""Because it wouldn't be true anymore."""

"I'm so sick of employers asking me what I'm doing in the next four years It's not like I have 2020 vision"