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Joke of the Day

"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know someone who would be very angry if she heard that."

"Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell."

"ME: Wow I have to print this document right now PRINTER: Like, right right now?"

"Blackpeoplemeet.com is racist. What about Asians and Hispanics? What they really need is Nonwhitepeoplemeet.com"

"Just honked at a red light. That doesn't work."

"[two atoms side-to-side on a DNA chain] ""Hi."" ""Hi. U look familiar. Were u on A3564 before it went supernova?"" ""Yes."" ""U still owe me $20."""

"Did you hear they discovered a carnivorous tree in the Amazon? Don't worry its bark is worse than its bite."

"I'm at the ear clinic. My name might've been called out. I have no idea. PSA: The joke is originally in Swedish, tried my best translating it."

"What did the Pirate say when he got his firecrackers? Ahoy M-80"

"Nothing puts me in touch with my mortality like stepping onto a downward escalator."