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Joke of the Day

"""So what kind of comedy will you be doing for us?"" ""The usual, self defecating."" ""Ha, I think you mean deprecating."" ""Think all you like."""

"How much do used batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge."

"Did you hear the joke about the skunk? Never mind it stinks!"

"There's a bird in the yard and she's shaking her tail feathers in hope of attracting a mate. HE SHOULD LOVE YOU FOR YOUR BRAIN, I yell."

"Why can't you keep a secret in a cornfield? There's too many ears"

"I phoned a local restaurant. I said, ""Hello, can I make a booking for tonight?"" They said, ""I'm sorry, we haven't got any tables."" ""That's ridiculous,"" I said. ""How do you serve the food?"""

"Her: How do you do it w/ 4 kids? Hubs: With the door locked. Me: She means how do we manage...but yeah."

"TIL people STILL tell Chuck Norris Jokes! And that when Alexander Bell first invented the phone, he found 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris."

"If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor."

"Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding? He heard the reception was going to be terrible..."