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Joke of the Day

"""Give your email a good password. Letters, symbols, numbers."" ""What about my atm card which holds all my money?"" ""Any 4 numbers in a row."""

"DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again! *daughter dish starts sobbing* [outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight"

"I used the think that correlation implied causation, but now I know that it doesn't. I took a statistics class last year, and that might have helped, but I'm not so sure."

"Your mom at a food bank...Food for thot."

"It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet."

"'I'm sorry' and ""My bad"" mean the same thing ... except at a funeral."

"I wonder if anyone on death row ever picked an all you can eat buffet for their last meal & just ate really slowly forever. Boom. Loophole."

"What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !"

"My wife wanted me to get one of those penis enlargers- so I did... ...she's 21 and her name's Cathy."

"""Someone's been sleeping in my bed!"" said mommy bear. ""Who hasn't"" muttered daddy bear. ""What?! You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!"""