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Joke of the Day

"""Man this milk is SO strong. It's got like, 30% lactose or some shit. Whatever that means."" -baby parties"

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"Q: What's the book of socially prominent monsters? A: The Book of who's Boo."
"""YOU'RE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER!"" - I yell at the McDonalds drive thru cashier after she tells me its 25 cents more for extra BBQ sauce."
"You know what they say about poorly produced pornography... You never see it coming."
"You know that photo of yourself you really fucking hate, it'll look great to you in ten years time so don't delete that shit."
"Girl Scouts sell more than just Cookies. I know, it sounds crazy, but it's just nuts."
"Whats the difference? Whats the difference between mash potatoes and pea soup?... Anyone can mash potatoes..."
"You know the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day? On St. Patrick's day, everyone wants to be Irish."
"I tried to catch some fog the other day.. I mist."
"Reforming FIFA analogy-1 Reforming FIFA by Sep Blatter is like reforming Tax for wealthy people by Donald Trump"
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