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Joke of the Day

"Guy: you've been a bad girl. Girl: yes baby, punish me. Guy: OK. *burns all her shoes*."

"How do you keep a blonde busy for years? Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator."

"Father in-law told me this gem: ""God made a woman..."" But didn't take one."

"Paris Hilton is worried ISIS will target her because she's famous. Paris Hilton doesn't realize that ISIS didn't exist in 2004."

"My doctor told me that I have to stop masturbating! Because otherwise he can't do his medical examination."

"The best part of Pitbull is he yells out ""MR WORLDWIDE!,"" at the beginning of each of his songs, giving you ample time to change the station"

"I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves."

"Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out"

"I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me; mistakenly as it were because I have the nerves of a guinea pig and puke when I cry."

"I bought a 12 pack of condoms the other day. The cashier asked if I'd like a bag, I said ""Nah, I'll just turn the lights off""."