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Joke of the Day
"Guy: you've been a bad girl. Girl: yes baby, punish me. Guy: OK. *burns all her shoes*."
Next Joke
"Indiana - A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the cash, the man fled--leaving his wallet on the counter."
"I caught my girl cheating with my best friend on my new leather couch... Of course I yelled at him.. He's not allowed on the couch. (Made this one up this morning.. Still playing with the wording)"
"I'm drinking coffee because people think you've got a problem if you drink vodka in the morning!"
"Why did the mortgage broker go out of business? ...because he lost interest."
"The year is 1981. Everybody's working for the weekend. 2044: the weekend becomes sentient. 2048: Everybody's working for the weekend."
"Jaden Smith"
"It doesn't matter how much you work, there will always be an asshole that works less but gets more."
"(reads smudged writing on hand during date) i just want to say that u look really preffy tonight"
"I once took a ski away from an Eskimo... Then he dressed in black and got real depressed"