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Joke of the Day
"Why did the mortgage broker go out of business? ...because he lost interest."
Next Joke
"What is a mattress' favorite season? Spring."
"That tweet is awesome. You guys are awesome. Twitter is awesome. I've made awesome friends on Twitter. A thesaurus would be awesome."
"What did the sea say to the shore? Nothing, he just waved. Christmas crackers are the worst."
"Did you know that Hitler invested in Minute Maid before he died? He heard they were 100% concentrated juice."
"Why don't you want to take a Pokemon into the bathroom? Because it might Pikachu."
"Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists... They did unspeakable things to me."
"Men are like mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion."
"Me: *hyperventilating* 911? BEES! ... EVERYWHERE! ... SEND...HELP! ""Sir we don't ..."" Me: OMG! DON'T YOU HAVE A SWAT TEAM FOR THIS?"
"Would everyone in the room who believes in telekinesis... Please raise my hand?"