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Joke of the Day

"Plan B and pregnancy tests should be sold at the Liquor Store as a 'one stop shop' kinda thing. Save all that judgment for one cashier."

"What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden? A seizure salad"

"5/6 people agree... ...that Russian Roulette is a great way to gamble."

"I wish I was half excited about anything as a four year old is to push an elevator button."

"What does an alcoholic ghost drink? Spirits."

"What' the bare minimum? One bear"

"Girl, are you wearing a diaper? Cause I wanna fuck the shit out of you."

"[pulled over] COP 1: any drugs or alcohol in the car? ME: no COP 2: told you he was a nerd ME: nuh uh I have so much drugs COP 1: lol gotcha"

"TURTLE: hey, you carry your house around too! HERMIT CRAB: i do. where'd you find yours? T: i was born with it HC: *scoff* ok princess"

"If Apple Saudi Arabia made a Wrestling Game, it would be called... iSlam."