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Joke of the Day

"The difference between me and Bill Gates is ""th"". He makes tens of millions of dollars per year. I make tenths of millions of dollars per year."

"Hillary Clinton Style Condoms! *Rigged for her pleasure*"

"What will the first female Mexican head of state be called? The Precedent."

"Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The Bartender says, ""Hey, Rene, you want a scotch?"" Descartes replies, ""No, I think not."" And then he vanishes. No dice."

"Why don't you come sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up?"

"I asked my wife to tell me something that made me happy and sad at the same time... She said ""Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.""."

"I wanted to tell a Lord of the Rings joke.... but all the good ones Aragorn"

"The secret to sustaining a happy marriage is to keep the mystery alive. So tonight I decided to clean something unexpectedly."

"It sounded like someone on a moped was approaching but it turned out to be 1,000 bees on a regular bicycle."

"Trying to think of a joke about jerking off... I'm sure it will come."