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Joke of the Day

"I'm no longer with a girl because she lied about her weight. She died in a bungee jumping accident."

"Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli."

"Before I workout, I like to warm up with 10 sets of selfie's."

"The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat"

"*quietly tries to open a bag of chips during a bank robbery*"

"What did the banker use for birth control? His personality"

"People shit on Columbus like they've never knocked on the wrong door and then murdered the people inside and lived there."

"What does Harry Potter call his penis? His Magic Johnson."

"Why I dislike German sausages. They are the wurst."

"How does a 49er fan change a light bulb? He doesn't he just talks about how great it use to be"