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Joke of the Day

"I had an eight course Irish dinner tonight. A six pack of beer, a potato, and a glass of whiskey to finish it off."

"why was 6 afraid of 7 because 789"

"If you pee on a cop Urine trouble. (Credit to my bff)"

"Thou puny pottle-deep joithead! You tell em Shakespeare!"

"The ocean isn't shark-infested. It's the ocean. That's where sharks live. We aren't supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean."

"How many Ferguson protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None; they can't change anything."

"I could be the next American Idol!! If they could just let me bring my shower on stage..."

"WIFE: I want u to be more spontaneous ME: ok [later] ME: *hides in closet with goalie mask on waiting for her to walk by*"

"Would you like to try some binary cake? Sure, I'll have a little bit."

"I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty."