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Joke of the Day

"I hang out with people smarter than me so when the zombies attack they will eat their brains first while I escape. Who's the idiot now Mom!?"

"whats the differnce from a blonde and a blow up sex doll only about two bottles of hair spray"

"Just dropped ranch dressing on my phone then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me."

"I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places. It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours"

"Why is a toothbrush a ""tooth"" brush? Cause it was invented in Alabama! [Inspiration came from the comments](http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKBN0GP1NS20140825?irpc=932)"

"Why Don't Santa Claus and Misses Claus have children? Because Santa only comes once a year and when he does its down the chimney."

"The hipster A hipster was traveling down some river rapids. He came across a fork in the river and decided to take the left fork because the right was too mainstream"

"I hate people who say ""Age is just a number"" Age is clearly a word."

"""Seize the day"" in Latin is ""Carpe Diem"" ...""Seize the day"" in Douchebag is ""YOLO"""

"Italian Knock knock Knock a knock - who's there - Ayatollah - Ayatollah who? - Ayatollah you already."