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Joke of the Day

"My teen was complaining he had no clean clothes so I asked him what he thought he should do: ""Uh, go buy new clothes?"" Have kids. It's fun."

"Someone just gave me a CD rack, which would have been an awesome gift if this was 1994"

"What did Mr. Orange say to Anna Banana when she asked what his first name was in rhyme world? Fuck off"

"A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn't eat."

"I used to be schizophrenic. But we are ok now."

"Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag."

"I bet the worst part about being single is knowing that even Hitler found someone who loved him."

"[first time having sex] Me: are u sure u aren't too drunk? Couch cushion: ...."

"My doctor said my cervix is perfect. I'm still blushing."

"So if I get the job at Walmart,,, do I pull my own teeth out,, or does it happen during orientation ?"