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Joke of the Day

"""And the guy's name was Anthony WEINER? Come on"" - high school AP U.S. history student, 2046"

"A guy came up to me in the street today... ...and asked me if I wanted to enter a raffle for cancer? I thought, ""what a shit prize..."""

"What do you call a cow with one udder? A bull."

"Wait ... ""El Chapo"" is a Mexican drug lord .... and not the guy who's been stealing our Chapsticks for years ?"

"Red neck word of the day ""fitness"" I don't think there's any way we're ""fitness"" in the back a da truck"

"I just ran for the train so I think I'm good on running for a couple years."

"Open books don't get judged by their covers."

"Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone? He didn't have any body to go with him."

"I'm thinking of becoming a yoga instructor... but I know know how I'm going to support myself."

"How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? With a pencil..."