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Joke of the Day

"""Come reckon with me bro."" -Force"

"You know when geese are flying in a V, one side of the V is always longer than the other one? Know why that is? Cause there's more geese on that side."

"How are 4chan and Tumblr alike? They usually announce a trigger warning before mentioning a school shooting"

"If someone steals my lunch from the fridge at work, I get on the office PA system and do the Liam Neeson speech from Taken."

"What is this alien looking thing in a wig trying to sing? Oh wait thats Nicki Minaj. Why would an alien in a wig pick Nicki Minaj as a name?"

"Imagine if people referenced the Beach Boys more often! Wouldn't it be nice?"

"Her: You ate that entire bag of fried cheese snacks? Him: Thought you said they were baked. Her: I said YOU were baked."

"How can you find a blind guy at a nude beach? Oh come on, it's not hard..."

"Went on a date once. He ordered for me, ""She'll have a small side salad."" I said, ""Yes, and a side of sirloin and a loaded baked potato."""

"I was born Mary Patterson... but then I married and, naturally, I took my husbands name. So now I'm Neil Patterson. From ""A Bit of Fry and Laurie"""