41971

Joke of the Day

"Went on a date once. He ordered for me, ""She'll have a small side salad."" I said, ""Yes, and a side of sirloin and a loaded baked potato."""

"Why doesn't a dog ever have a nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."

"How is Microsoft like Bob Marley? I do updates before I do updates. And then I do updates."

"According to my family tree I'm the sap."

"Condoms A man walks into a shop to buy some condoms. The cashier asks 'would you like a bag with that?' To which the man replies 'No thanks, she's not that ugly'."

"A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame"

"What did the chef say when he noticed his scales were broken? No weigh..."

"DID YOU KNOW: If you don't eat animal products, you will take it out on everyone else forever?"

"*runs into dental hygienist in store* Me: How are you? Her: *starts to respond but I shove my fingers in her mouth* Me: Not so easy huh"

"I think my girlfriend might be mad at me, so I'm going to make her a mix-tape to show her how much I care."