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Joke of the Day

"Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Three. One to screw it in one to watch and one to shoot the witness."

"My first subtweet was in the 3rd grade when I added extra glitter to Nathan's Valentine."

"When I worked for the USPS a number of years ago I found the work to be slightly monotonous. It really helped me work on my delivery though."

"What's a cannibal's favourite type of food? Finger food!"

"""Whoa! It's really hot in here!"" ""Sorry, Should I leave?"""

"I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag."

"What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed? McBongald's"

"Why do women live on average two years longer? Because the time they spend parking doesn't count."

"Are knee pads... ... the perfect gift, for givers?"

"NASA was planning on building a restaurant on the moon They cancelled because they figured it wouldn't have any atmosphere."