177759

Joke of the Day

"I've hit hard times, and to make money I'm going to sell my vacuum cleaner. Because right now it's just gathering dust."

"I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her."

"A woman with an abnormally hyperactive sex drive is called a nymphomaniac. A man with the same condition is called a man"

"The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way."

"So I'm reading that ""twerking"" and ""selfie"" have been added to the dictionary. ""Future"" and ""optimism"" have been removed..."

"What kind of bees give milk? Boo-bees."

"When I practice my saxophone I have to put the cat in the window, so my neighbours know I'm not kicking it around the living room."

"Woody Allen's version of his life will be his most brilliant fiction."

"Who writes all his plays on the Internet? Will-e. Shakespeare."

"You put 2 fingers in... Maybe 3 if it's big enough... Oh yeah.... Now that's how you wash a mug."