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Joke of the Day

"What religion believes in the Big Bang? Islam."

"When I was 15, the headmaster called me into his office and informed me that he had decided to make me Head Boy.I was really chuffed for about 10 seconds, then he started to unzip his trousers"

"Indian food tasted a little off at the restaurant it was a naan issue"

"What is the similarity between women and square roots? If they are under 16 you should just do them in your head."

"The problem with some people is that they're alive."

"Siri, what's depression? Siri: Here are your directions to Chuck E Cheese."

"It's a good thing that the Ghostbusters don't charge a lot of money because if you couldn't pay, they'd have to come back and re-possess your house."

"I cooked for my fiancee's parents for the first time As I handed out the rarely cooked steak Harry (her father) said, ""I like it well done."" I said, ""Thanks, that means a lot."""

"Pull all of your money out of Pepto-Bismol stocks immediately. There's some real liquidity problems over there."

"Ordinarily, staring is creepy. But if you spread your attention across many individuals, then it's just people watching."