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Joke of the Day

"Hey there, mind if I take a bite? Cause your decomposing in ALL the right places."

"My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell 'em: ""You're gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates""..... whatever!!"

"What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea? Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? You can throw your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for two weeks afterward"

"How do you know If your girlfriend is Canadian? Look at her beaver."

"Have you heard about the new female doctor who can cure illness with all natural, homeopathic remedies? Look her up! She just goes by the name, ""Miss Information"" Edit: source - South Park"

"Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs."

"what's orange and sounds like a parrot? a carrot."

"""I don't see race."" -Russian guy in the back row of a NASCAR event"

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered her today to place bets on how long this marriage will last because these idiots met 2 months ago."